Instrumental Fury
by StarBoxHat
Summary: At the end of Clockwork Angel, another Shadowhunter girl- Terri- faces jealousy the only way she knows how- make out sessions. :D Okay, it's a little-maybe a lot- different than it sounds. But still, worth a read..?
1. Chapter 1

Fury and Pain are the key elements of jealousy, and like a two-face mask, you cannot pick up one without the other.

**Whee, my first FanFic on this site! Happyface!**

**Okay, this is based off of the very very end of Clockwork Angel, supposing there is another shadowhunter girl living in the Institute named Theresa (aka Terri.) If you havn't read the book yet, there are spoilers, I suppose, so don't go reading this before reading the book. **

**So I could either turn this into a whole story (which I probably won't) but this is pretty much a one-shot. It's Terri/Will action, but Terri/Jem feelings. *hums lion king***

**Please review!  
**

Terri stormed through the halls of the Institute, the tapestries of the Angel Raziel flapping in her wake along the broad hallway, even though her own slender figure was tiny in comparison. The witchlight along the hallways gave her face an unearthly pallor, adding to the fury on her face.

She was so absolutely _angry_, her Irish temper among these British shadowhunters making even Sophie step back as she plowed up the stairs and through the halls. She was angry at Will for being so mean all the time, angry at Charlotte for leaving her behind when they raided deQuincy and his minions, angry at Tessa for being too lovable to be angry about, and so, completely furious at Jem.

For years and years she had had basically full access to both Will and Jem, and had considered them almost family. And then Tessa came along, awakening in her feelings of jealousy she was not aware she was capable of feeling, flares of anger and sadness mixed into a hard lead ball in her stomach. She really couldn't stay angry at Tessa for long-they had become close friends in Tessa's time at the Institute, and it was nearly impossible to stay angry at one of her only friends in the world. Then again, she had never thought it possible to stay angry at Jem for so long- and here she was, striding down the hallway, sending ripples through the air ahead of her.

She had just stepped inside of the library- just for a second, to comfort Tessa after Will had been an asshole on the roof. Instead, Jem had beaten her there, and there he stood, with a vulnerable expression on his face she had never seen before. It sent pangs through her entire body to see that face, that beautiful silver face, turned towards Tessa's. The pain sparked the fury, the other face of jealousy, and now here she was, running away from that vision, running towards the cause. If they had touched she would have felt better knowing it was a passing fancy cause by that strange fever that shook the teenage body- but it was just plain, pure emotion. He wasn't just attracted to Tessa, he honestly had feelings for her that spilled beyond the boundaries of friendship.

Terri threw open the door to the attic, paced through the big, open space, climbed the stairs, went out onto the roof. She breathed in the damp London air as it ruffled her dress, and turned slowly around to face where Will was standing, a silhouette against the sunset, himself looking angry and vulnerable. _Everyone is so bloody VULNERABLE._ He didn't notice as she approached- even to Will's paranoia-enhanced senses, she was almost completely silent. Even her anger-vibes didn't evoke any sort of response until she was less than five feet away from him. He turned, then, the sun catching his black hair and flecking it with light, while casting shadows over his face, giving him an air of danger that nonetheless drew her in.

"So," he mocked, "did Tessa send you up here with tales of my bad character? You do know it was exactly what she wanted, right-"

"Shut up."

"not that she isn't completely just in saying I'm such an attractive and dream fulfilling-"

"Shut. Up."

"Character who-"

"I said, shut up."

Will finally fell silent, waiting with one eyebrow raised.

Terri took two deep breaths, staring him down, until the eyebrow came down and he stood, staring back at her openly. She could see the muscles in his jaw move slightly as he was about to open his mouth, and didn't give him the chance.

"Our lives are completely screwed over. It's not your fault, no matter how much you think it is- really, it isn't any of ours. All we can do is try to make it a bit easier. To hell with all of this, and you sure as hell had better not take this personally."

Before Will could register any form of emotion, she covered the remaining space between them with two long-legged strides, forcibly grabbed his face, and crushed his lips to hers.

He knew exactly what she was doing. Life sucked, and she wanted relief- it certainly wasn't something he couldn't sympathize with, wasn't something he didn't want to do himself. So he didn't push her away, didn't try to take her by surprise, just let himself get lost in her lips. Relief was not permanent, but it was sweet.

That was all they could ask for, really.

Terri had never actually been kissed before, much less kissed anybody, but this didn't feel the way she had expected it to. She had expected all of these emotions fluttering around like caged birds inside of her chest, and tingles racing all over her body- and in that aspect, she wasn't too far off. There were ripples all over her body, and her stomach did feel a little fluttery, but it was more of a tremor than an earthquake. Will was an expert kisser, but the emotions weren't quite as she would have expected.

It didn't matter. She was looking for relief, and distraction- not a lapse into what the kiss would have been like if it had been- she cut the thought off and threw herself into the kiss with everything she had. Will's lips were hard against hers, his muscled body pressing her to the barrier between them and the city. His hands were on either side of her face, rubbing her back, caressing her face. Her fingers tangled in his hair, traced the one _iratze_ that had long since been overwhelmed by the harm taken to his body during the fight, felt the fine bones of his face. There was a whirl of emotions tangling an untangling themselves inside of her stomach now, the complicated, dark ones that accompanied the sight of Tessa and Jem untangling themselves and settling down, and new, light ones taking their place. Fun tangles, the kind she liked to spend an afternoon unwinding. She smiled against Will's lips as she felt the tickle of new emotions in her chest, then gasped in surprise as he did the same. People's lips moving felt ticklish. She giggled a little, then pushed him away, her own muscles a match for his.

Doubts rose in her- If Jem saw them, he might take it as a go-ahead, maybe even encouragement to become closer to Tessa. She ignored them, concentrating instead on Will's dark blue eyes, his growing quirk of a smile or not-quite-relief. She ignored the silver eyes her mind tried to superimpose over his blue ones, made sure to see that the blond hair her eyes tried to take in was actually just the sun on Will's black hair, and knew he was doing the same. Will might be unreadable, and Jem might know him best out of anyone, but in that instant she knew that she and Will were more alike than all of the others, and because of that it didn't matter that she couldn't read his face- she knew what she was feeling (well, almost, anyway) and because of that she knew exactly what was going on in his head. It wouldn't last long, this moment of symmetry, but she was determined to enjoy it while it lasted.

This moment was not one of true happiness, but it was good enough. They had to make do with what they had, just as shadowhunters-just as people- had been doing for centuries. Their happiness wasn't complete, but it was good enough.

**So...There was my one shot... Review please! **


	2. Chapter 2

**This story takes place shortly after Clockwork Prince (the second book in the series) and includes spoilers. So if you haven't read it yet, please don't read this…I don't want to be responsible for ruining an absolutely amazing book for you! And it is, indeed, amazing. Now, on to the story; another kind of window/weird insight into the life of Shadowhunter Terri shortly after some romantic interlude between Tessa and Jem. There aren't really any make-out sessions as promised by the first chapter that I wrote nearly a year and a half ago *wince*, so sorry I guess...? Please note that this was written during Algebra II, and I've only made some basic edits that might be rendered useless by the typo monster. So, enjoy, I guess!**

* * *

It stung, really, that Will hadn't come to her first, to explain what was going on. Part of that resentment, she accepted, was really just runoff from something that wasn't his fault, albeit something she wouldn't have had to know for at least another few hours if he hadn't come to her shortly after the first to listen to his confessions sent him reeling, gray and overcast like the sullen sky. It was quite Will-ish of him, really, the whole sullen gloominess, so she hadn't paid it much heed.

But as he had explained to her the false curse, his demeanor had darkened and in the back of her mind had whispered a persistent, urgent voice telling her to run. It had scared her more than any demon ever had, but since she couldn't place why, couldn't explain the reasoning behind it, she shoved it to the back of her mind until she could confront it later.

And then it exploded form where she thought she had contained it, ravaging her mind before leaving the burning husk behind.

"Tessa—" his voice broke on her name, although it had so far remained strong, "has agreed to marry Jem."

It took a moment to understand what he had said, and once she had worked through it she was fairly certain that the tight feeling in her chest wasn't going to remain apathy for long. Her eyes bored into his, shocked, wide, unblinking, and for probably the first time in her life, completely unguarded. Had Will not been equally as decimated he might well have read into the innermost corners of her mind; as it was, his thoughts were just as open to scrutiny, her guard blown over by the gale of information. Wills gaze matched hers, staring at her with the desperation of a drowning man. It was as if he was asking her to save him, to save them, from this love that to them was truly a demon; maybe that's what anything was, really. Beautiful only in the eye of the one not shunned, the one not pushed aside.

A burst of air forced its way out of her chest in a huff, breaking something as it went. Her control? Her heart?

"What do you want from me?" The words moved her lips almost without her conscious decision, the serpentine notes sliding out and twisting in the air, venomous, soft, deadly. Her face twisted into an almost sneer and a part of her reveled in the release of emotion. "Relief? A replacement for Tessa? It's not going to happen, Will. You blew your chance, and that's it, you've ruined everything for both of us. Do you have any idea—".

The hurt on his face stopped her, as did his open shock. Retaliation was his weapon, not hers, but she had proved adept at it's usage.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, turning her face downwards. Shame made the tears come, as anger had pushed them away. "It's not your fault."

'_You explode when you feel something because you need to protect people from you, from your curse. I do it to hurt them, to see the pain I'm feeling reflected back on me a thousand times over until it feels diminished, until I can stand it. What does that say about me? I don't deserve Jem- don't deserve to be his, when his best friend is a better person than I.'_

A sob rose in her throat as she collapsed back onto the chair from which she could not remember rising. Se couldn't look up at Will – she knew that seeing her abject grief mirrored in his eyes would crush something vital and she would break, her foundation torn asunder. There was a hot, burning sensation in her eyes and she closed them, feeling something wet drip onto her white-knuckled hands.

It was worse, she supposed, for Will; at least she had known she would one day lose Jem, to the drug that was killing him even as it was keeping him alive. Will had only just been exposed to the hope that maybe, maybe he could have Tessa. It wasn't as if he could restart with her after Jem's death; his loyalty to his _parabati_ would continue beyond even that. And Tessa loved him back, but couldn't bear to break Jem's heart. Not a one of them could; not her, not Tessa, not Will. So in the end, the only one who was really getting what they wanted was Jem, and he would have it the shortest time. Despite the cruelty of the thought, a laugh threatened and she clapped her hands over her face. Hysteria threatened, warring for precedence with loss and anger and tears.

"Oh, Will" she murmured thickly, rising and joining him by the window where he had moved. The muscles in his jaw worked like he was preparing to speak, but for once it seemed as if he had nothing to say. Terri leaned her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his tense figure, squeezing her eyes shut for his pain instead of her own. She cursed Jem for doing this to him, for doing this to them, even as she could not help the contraction of her heart at the thought of his name or the tingles on her skin as she imagined his face. She hated him in that minute, even as she loved him implicitly. Her hand tightened on Will's arm for a moment, seeking comfort, finding none.

"Whatever shall we do?"

And they stared in silence over the city that now seemed filled with darkness.


End file.
